Feedback
All feedback is a perspective. As you gather feedback from others, look for repetition, where you find none all you have is a perspective.
Structure:
Style:
You have adopted a style that uses a lot of short, and even one-word sentences. This looks like a conscious choice. Doing so can create emphasise and even build drama. It was something that came into my awareness early on and stayed there. Maybe simply because I was reviewing the book. It did make reading some sections seem a little choppy rather than being more flowy, and on a couple of occasions I wasn’t sure what you meant. I have listed these in the section below.
Words/Clarity:
Page 24 – “In NLP there is a phrase for this: projection is perception.” The phrase is actually – perception is projection. A statement is being made about perception not projection.
Page 27 – “the adolescent performing confidence” – do you mean the adolescent preforming with confidence – or acting confident.
Page 44 – “Reflect. Curate. Memory. Insights. Dreams.” I am not sure what this means.
Page 46 – “But the helpfulness has a shape, and the shape is shaped by what
makes the platform work as a business.” Too many shapes I think.
Page 46 – I don’t think I fully understand this point about tokens as a financial measure. Are companies measuring employee AI use by the number of tokens, or are companies just spending a lot on AI, or is it something else I haven’t understood.
Page 50 – “The tier you pay for is the tier of judgement you cannot delegate.” When you say this do you mean, you are ‘paying’ for the human decision-making part?
Page 57 – “That is the gap this book has been about.” – do you still need to be saying that at this stage of the book?
Page 67 – “where this chapter began.” Do you need to say that. I was able to remember the thread – show don’t tell.
Page 82 – You listed three and said all six were made up. I guess you know that you did that.
Page 83 – I would attest that there are three AI failures mapped in your book, drift, compression, and hallucination, not the two you mention here. “The book has mapped two distinctive AI failures: compression, in Chapter Six; and hallucination, the gap filled with confident assertion. The standard treatment in the AI literature is to treat these as stages of one cascade — compression precedes drift precedes hallucination in long conversations. Mechanically correct. Incomplete.”
Page 83 – “Same problem. Two directions. NGE and FOF, in non-human form.” Are you here projecting human qualities onto the AI? I appreciate that you say you are not doing this in the paragraphs below – but you brought the human idea in and then said that the AI was doing that, and then said it isn’t.
Page 83 – “It simply has no equivalent of I don’t know as a stable output state.” Should, ‘I don’t know’, be in quotation marks? This also appears on Page 86
Overall, I found Chapter 8 less clear about what it was saying. I found the mixing of human issues with AI ‘behaviour’ didn’t really tell me how hallucination arises – we do it therefore the AI has learnt to do it from us – didn’t quite explain how it does it – to me anyway.
Page 98 – “If it’s an argument I want, I demand a human now.” do you need the word ‘now’ at the end of this sentence?
Page 100 – “11 December 2022. Sunday. Eleven days after ChatGPT had been opened to the public, I made an account.” Is it being a Sunday so important that it warrants a separate sentence?
Page 101- “In my own week: ChatGPT, asked to make me a picture for a presentation.” If you read this quickly it sounds like it asked you not that you asked it.
Page 107 – “That was the tell. The foot tap. The sniff. The palette change. The inability to make eye contact. Biblical, the way the trained eye picks it up in a consulting room.” I’m not sure what work the word ‘Biblical’ is doing here.
Page 108 – At various times in the book you have described your experience as 20, 30, and 40 years – you may be referring to different bits of your experience, but that is usually not explicitly stated.
Formatting:
Page 17 – “Tea or coffee.?” – do we need the full stop too?
Page 41 – The heading “The Machinery” needs to be on the next page.
Page 46 – The heading “Self-Learning Turn” needs to be on the next page.
Page 53 – Heading “What Drift Actually Is” needs to be on the next page.
Page 71 – there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading ‘The Therapy Room Version.’
Page 75 – there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading ‘The Executive Implication.’
Page 76 - there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading ‘Always Apply Healthy Verification’ This seems to be a feature and not a bug of this chapter, but not of others.
Page 78 – this time the dash is centred where the others weren’t ‘-‘ above the heading ‘The Question Behind the Question’.
Page 82 – The heading, “The Defended Gap” needs to be on the next page.
Page 105 – the heading, “Outcomes, Not Prompts”, needs to be on the next page.
Page 111 – The heading, “The Block and the Unnameable Dread”, should be on the next page.
Page 113 - there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading, “A Note on the Clinical Source’, and the heading needs to be on the next page
Page 114 - The heading, “The Six Modes”, should be on the next page.
Page 127 - there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading, “Audio is the Next Register”
Page 133 - there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading, “What Changes”
Page 146 - The heading, “Cancer Closes One Door and Opens Another”, should be on the next page.
Page 148 - there seems to a random ‘-‘ above the heading, “The Bowlby Closing”
Page 149 – The layout and colour of the heading of this chapter is different to the others, is that deliberate?